kin-bot:

me: *sees a fat cat*

me, in tears: you are so fucking big i love you…

eggtrolls:

god I’m absolutely going to hell I’m sorry guys 

I was at my friend’s engagement party yesterday and everyone was about to do cheers with these nasty ass shots of blue tequila but I don’t drink and I especially do not drink tequila, blue or otherwise, so I grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table and just tapped it against people’s glasses like it was a legitimate beverage instead of a wheat byproduct 

and one of my friends was like ‘ho what in god’s name are you doing’ 

and I didn’t know how to say I would rather slice of my own foot than drink tequila so I just held my bread up and said ‘I’m toasting’ 

and in that moment I felt my soul descend directly into the eighteenth circle of hell

khadds:

401raised:

bimbotoysforprettyboys:

Like, I’m sorry, but purring “do you want it?” into your partner’s ear before you fuck is hot.

Looking into your partner’s eyes and asking “may I?” in a voice breathy with desire before you kiss them is super hot.

and “Do you want me to pin you up against this wall and fuck you till you’re screaming my name?” is just basically dirty talk.

What the actual fuck is wrong with you?  If asking for consent ruins sex for you, you’re… what?  A rapist who sucks at talking dirty?  

Is that a demographic whose fun we care about ruining?

i fucks with this

Seriously